Midterm Examen

Well, we’re now on the other side of the Young Adult Volunteer hill. Today marks the halfway point in this year’s experience in Nashville. And so far, this experience has been every bit as transforming as it was advertised to be. I have been in situations I never thought I would see, I have met interesting people who have been both loving and cruel to themselves and those around them, I have made some life-long friends, and I have even learned to enjoy eating grits.

Each night (or I should say, most nights) at the Toolshed, the four of us gather to engage in a spiritual practice called the examen. This is a time of looking back on the day that has passed that calls to mind both the good and bad things that have happened. The pattern we have typically followed is a sharing of each day’s high and low point. Another way of saying this is “when did I feel God’s presence most closely, and when did I feel that God was farthest from me?” This not only keeps us aware of what is going on in one another’s’ lives, but allows us an opportunity to engage in some serious reflection about what has gone on during the day. The examen is a useful tool for vocational discernment as well. For example, if I make a habit of saying “the low point of my day was the eight hours when I had to work with homeless people and the high point of my day was when it was time to come home from work,” then I can probably take from this that my calling is probably not to work with the homeless.

So, here is a little examen, looking back at the highs and lows of last five and a half months.


Discerning my Vocation
I have been confronted several times this year with Frederick Beuchner’s definition of vocation as the place where one’s deepest needs meet the world’s greatest hunger. At the beginning of the year, I came into this experience thinking that I would be led through some process that would give me a road map of my future. I, through the help of our fantastic vocational discernment specialist Janet Salyer, have broadened my definition of vocation from a basic “what am I going to do when I grow up” to a more intense questioning of what God is calling me to be at any given moment. Few receive a direct life plan from heaven in the form of some divine edict. For most of us, we can discern what God wants us to do as a next step. For me, I am less sure that I want to head to seminary right away next year than I was in September, when I viewed this year as just a logical stepping stone between college and seminary. It is still what I want to do, but I have realized there is no reason to be in a hurry.

Second Presbyterian

People from outside the congregation always ask us what church we decided to attend in Nashville, and we always say, “Second Pres., but we really didn’t have a choice in the matter.” Even though I didn’t have a choice, and I haven’t been to any of the other Presbyterian churches here, I am pretty sure Second would be the church I’d end up a part of anyway. Second is a demonstration in many ways of what it means to be countercultural. Nashville is home to more churches per capita than any other city, most of those being of the conservative evangelical variety. A view of abortion and homosexuality as the most pressing moral issues is not uncommon here in the “buckle of the Bible belt,” rather than those that Jesus focused on such as loving our poor and oppressed neighbors. Second is a church that isn’t afraid to be a little different and I appreciate that. It has also been interesting to see Second Presbyterian transform itself from a church that primarily viewed itself as the church that is rebuilding from a fire, to a church that has had its identity changed back to what I assume it was before the 2003 fire. The beautiful new church building inspires its members to worship enthusiastically and remember those outside its walls. It says a lot that they are willing to host four young people to serve the community in an intense way on their behalf, and provide a mother figure (Susan) to take care of us.

Intentional Christian Community
The absolute best part of this experience so far has been the one that happens inside The Toolshed. I can’t imagine that four more compatible people could have been chosen to inhabit 600 square feet of house behind Second Presbyterian. Chasie, Tara and Patrick have become a second family to me in our time together. My favorite times are the ones where we are all sitting on our couches together in the living room just talking. Tara and I will start bantering about something, usually an expression of our well-churched dorkiness. I’ll start bragging about my ordination as a deacon and start putting down the others for being “lay people” and then it’s all downhill from there as we start talking about the value of blue vs. purple as the seasonal color of Advent. Then one of the girls will throw something at me so they can make fun of me for not being able to catch anything. Our household is great.


The Campus
Working at the Campus for Human Development has given me a glimpse into the life of our society’s bottom class. I work on a daily basis with people who depend on government and charity for their every need. They often are used to being looked at with looks of disgust, and most have problems with substance abuse. I have seen a lot of things in the past few months. I’ve stood in human waste, I’ve broken up fights, I’ve caught a drug deal in progress, I’ve seen people with black eyes and bloodied lips who have been beaten up, I’ve been called every name in the book and probably some ones that aren’t even in the book, I’ve seen one too many people drunk off mouthwash, and I’ve been coughed on and sneezed on by people who are carrying who knows what disease. Yet, in the midst of all this, I have come to love the work that I have been doing, and can imagine few things as fulfilling as working at the Campus. The thing I love is that this is an organization that is really founded upon the principles of Christianity. We do not try to get people to convert to our religious views, but rather live them out in daily life. It is an honor to know, serve, and be served by the homeless. The thing I’ve been most impressed about at the Campus is the sense of hope that arises out of ugly situations. No matter what has gone on during the day, we always find something to laugh about. It is a place that is filled with the feeling of family. My favorite times at the Campus have been the times when I have felt like we were making a home for people. They have been the times when a woman decorated our Christmas tree with things she had purchased, when people have apologized to me for saying something they shouldn’t have said, when people have come up and made sure that I was okay after somebody was yelling at me, or when someone just comes up and says “thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” The Campus staff is filled with true professionals who don’t always have the answers, but seldom fail to act without respect for each person as a child of God.

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I am so thankful that I ended up in Nashville. When I initially applied for the YAV program, it was mostly as a back up for the actual position I wanted in the Young Adult Intern program. I know that God called me to this time and place, and I am thankful that my calling was shared by three other outstanding people that we could share in this experience together. Writer (and Presbyterian) Anne LaMotte says that there are really only two prayers that she needs: “help me, help me, help me,” and “thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Thank you, thank you, thank you.